Blue Origin Launches “Space Prime Video” for Bored Astronauts in Orbit
Cape Canaveral, FL – In a move that boldly goes where no streaming service has gone before, Blue Origin, the space exploration company founded by Amazon’s Jeff Bezos, has announced the launch of “Space Prime Video,” a streaming platform designed exclusively for astronauts in orbit.
The service, set to debut next month, aims to address the long-standing issue of astronaut boredom during extended space missions. “We’ve conquered gravity, now it’s time to conquer tedium,” said Blue Origin spokesperson Stella Nebula at a press conference held in the company’s low-Earth orbit lounge.
Space Prime Video will feature a curated selection of space-themed content, including classics like “2001: A Space Odyssey” and “Alien,” alongside new original series such as “The Real Housewives of the International Space Station” and “Keeping Up with the Cosmonauts.” 
“Our research shows that astronauts spend approximately 73% of their time staring wistfully at Earth,” explained Dr. Buzz Lightmonth, Blue Origin’s Chief Entertainment Officer. “With Space Prime Video, we hope to reduce that to a more reasonable 68%.”
The service will be available to all astronauts, regardless of their space agency affiliation, for the low price of $999.99 per month. When asked about the steep pricing, Lightmonth defended the cost, stating, “Hey, it’s not like they have anywhere else to spend their money up there.”
One of the most anticipated features of Space Prime Video is its innovative “Zero-G Mode,” which automatically rotates the screen to match the viewer’s orientation in microgravity. “No more craning your neck to watch ‘The Expanse’ while you’re floating upside down,” boasted Nebula.
NASA astronaut Chip Skywalker, currently aboard the International Space Station, expressed cautious enthusiasm for the new service. “I’m excited to finally catch up on ‘For All Mankind,’ but I’m a little worried about the data charges. Last time I streamed a movie up here, Houston had a conniption.”
Not to be outdone, rival space company SpaceX quickly announced plans for its own streaming service, “Musk-See TV,” which will exclusively feature Elon Musk’s favorite anime and documentaries about colonizing Mars.
Critics have raised concerns about the potential for Space Prime Video to distract astronauts from their important scientific work. In response, Blue Origin has promised to include educational content such as “Bill Nye the Spacewalk Guy” and “How It’s Made: Freeze-Dried Ice Cream Edition.”
As part of the launch promotion, the first 100 astronauts to sign up for Space Prime Video will receive a complimentary Blue Origin-branded space blanket and a chance to win a guest appearance on “Astronaut Idol,” the platform’s upcoming reality competition show.
In a surprising twist, the service will also be made available to Earth-bound customers who wish to experience the authentic boredom of space travel from the comfort of their own homes. “For just $49.99 a month, you too can feel the isolation and monotony of being trapped in a metal tube hurtling through the void,” Nebula enthusiastically added.
As the space tourism industry continues to grow, Blue Origin hopes that Space Prime Video will give them a competitive edge in the race to commercialize the final frontier. “Who knows,” mused Lightmonth, “maybe one day we’ll even have enough subscribers to justify a ‘Space Emmy Awards.'”
With the launch of Space Prime Video, it seems the sky is no longer the limit for streaming entertainment. As one anonymous astronaut put it, “Finally, something to watch other than the slowly rotating Earth below. I’ve seen that show way too many times.”